Poached Salmon Served Post-Trauma; Shirtless Hero Feted

MAPLEWOOD, NEW JERSEY: Panic reigned briefly on Broad Street, between Paterson and Main [Wally–add color map here] when a cat was trapped in a storm drain.

The offending storm drain where the cat was trapped. Poor Kitty!!

Mrs. Leonard Whittelstein, the owner of the cat, was described by concerned on-lookers as “distraught.” “I thought we were going to lose her there for a minute,” said James Cretin (72), a long-time neighbor. “Her family was always a little strange.” [possibly add Whittelstein family tree?]

Rescue came in the form of an unusually long broom. “Uhh–I remembered it from the garage. And thought it would work,” said Ken Davenport (16), now a local hero. (female readers may be interested in Ken’s Facebook page, which features several shirtless photos).

Davenport inadvertently poked the cat “Mildred” in the eye, which made her scream, and run out of the drain.

Mrs. Whittelstein says she plans to feed Mildred her favorite meal tonight–poached salmon, with wild rice, and a side salad of 3 different types of lettuce. (anyone wanting the recipe  can contact Mrs. Whittelstein at leowhit@gmail.com).

“Mildred,” the traumatized cat.