Why Not Amaze Your Friends? Adopt A Baby Elephant!

NEWARK, NEW JERSEY: Why not amaze your friends, and adopt a baby elephant???

A little baby elephant: the perfect pet–he won’t make any trouble at all!! (And he’ll try not to grow!)

The Newark Zoo is having to cut back because of severe budget problems. (Uh oh!) So they are looking for a Good Samaritan to take in this little baby elephant (Sergio–cute name!) temporarily. It’s illegal, so shh! The zoo is also looking for a foster family to take in a number of deadly boa constrictors. (The zoo thinks it’s more prudent if you don’t have children or small pets in your home. Better safe than, etc etc. etc. Mother-in-Laws are ok!–Just kidding!!)

Why not adopt a deadly boa constrictor from the Newark Zoo? You can help them out with their budget woes, and have a great conversation starter in your home!

For the first three families that adopt boa constrictors, the Zoo will throw in a special bonus:

For every boa constrictor you adopt, the Zoo will throw in a dozen toads–free!!! Hard to resist. Contact the zoo today!!! [Wally–add zoo email address here. The Amphibian Department]

Baby Chick Tragedy Averted, Love Sparks on Highway

NEWARK, NEW JERSEY: There was a major traffic snarl on a seventeen-mile stretch of highway near Newark this morning, when a baby chick crossed the road, and compassionate drivers jammed on the brakes. [Wally–we need an attractive photo of downtown Newark here–it’s hard, I know]

A truck driver who names baby chicks “Goo Goo.” No wonder she fell in love with him!

Charlie Edwards, from Huntsville, Alabama, jumped out of his eighteen wheeler, and saved the baby chick, which he immediately dubbed, “Goo Goo.” Susan N. Freidlander, of Nyack, New York came to his aid. The attractive forensic psychiatrist (she works with psychotic killers in a state institution, in New York State) and the truck driver felt immediate sparks. “I knew I was destined to marry him. He’s my soul mate,” cooed Dr. Freidlander. “Have you seen her body?” confided Edwards. “Awesome!”

The two had a date on the spot, since it took emergency vehicles three hours to get through the traffic. (The baby chick refused treatment for heat exhaustion.) “The honking didn’t bother me,” said Dr. Freidlander. “I will remember it forever as romantic.” The attractive young couple decided to get married immediately. There was a great honking of horns as the marriage was announced. They will fly out from Newark Airport as soon as traffic moves.

The Little White Chapel in Las Vegas: where the attractive young couple are en route to be married! Isn’t it romantic???