The “Pucker Your Lips” Contest–At the Paramus Super Mall! Call Your Surgeon Today!

PARAMUS, NEW JERSEY: Come enter the “2nd Annual Pucker Your Lips Contest”–at the Paramus Super Mall this Sunday! The lady with the best pucker will win a year’s supply of Mac’s Strawberry Lip Gloss! [Wally–enter Super Mall and Mac logos here] The poster child for puckers everywhere is, of course, Angelina Jolie! Think of her, when you’re puckering, ladies!!

Angelina never has to pucker–she is puckered permanently! Even in her sleep–we have it on good authority. From whom? Shh! We’re not saying!

A classic is always a classic, especially when it’s a classic pucker!–

Just take a look at that “classic pucker!” On Shirley Temple, not Eleanor Roosevelt!! (Is it just me, or does it look like Eleanor has “had a few,” here???)

Then, there is the “ever-present” Kim Kardashian!!!–

I know it’s hard to keep your eyes in the right place, but look at the lips–the lips!!

Even some men have a special pucker. They somehow “wear it well.” For instance, what about this pucker???

Those are lips many women would pay to have! (And do!) Who’s are they?–

Justin Beiber of course!!! America’s #1 hearthrob singer–owner of the perfect “male pucker!!!” (Ask for it at your plastic surgeon today!) And don’t forget to “practice your pucker!!!”

Paramus Fetes Justin Beiber–Holiday Declared!

PARAMUS, NEW JERSEY: Justin Beiber, the teen singing sensation, created pandemonium in Northern New Jersey today when he arrived by helicopter (at 11:37 am precisely, EST) and landed on the roof of the giant new CVS Pharmacy at the luxurious Paramus Super Mall, in Paramus, New Jersey.

Astonishing new CVS Pharmacy. Plans include adding twenty-five additional stories, with a Wolfgang Puck restaurant, luxury bowling alley, 10-screen movie theater, and super-luxury condos that will have extraordinary views of the Paramus Super Mall.

Journalists and filmmakers from all over the world recorded the historic landing on top of CVS. Crazed fans screamed, “We want Justin!” And they got him! [Wally–add touching family biography here, preferably with shots of childhood dogs and pets]

The phenomenal Justin Beiber arrives by helicopter at the luxurious Paramus Super Mall.

Beiber sang his wildly popular international hit, “Baby.” As reported earlier, Beiber’s 2010 concert at Roosevelt Field had to be canceled when the crowd grew out of control. Over 35 police units had be called in from Nassau County and Garden City. An Island Records senior vice-president was arrested because of the incident. No such mishaps were reported today.

The governor declared today “Justin Beiber Day” in Paramus and Ho-Ho-Kus. All schools were closed. Beiber gave the governor a signed DVD in thanks. The rumors of Beiber being romantically involved with Lady Gaga, and/or David Bowie have flatly denied.

Justin Beiber, accepting one of his many humanitarian awards. Remarkable for someone at the “fresh” age of 17! The governor of New Jersey’s wife declared Beiber, “adorable!”