Pigeon-Feeding Sparks Controversy in Ho-ho-kus; Agnostics Displeased

HO-HO-KUS, NEW JERSEY: Pigeon-feeding was the cause of an altercation on the steps of City Hall today. “It clearly states, on an easily-read sign, that there is to be no feeding of pigeons,” said Miss Edith Stillwater (93). A former teacher of English in Ridgewood, her enunciation was precise, her posture admirable. [Wally–for more on posture, see the Alexander Technique–http://www.stat.org.uk/%5D “That old battle-ax can go to ****,” stated Corrine Waters (37). “Just because her family has owned half of New Jersey since the 1700s, doesn’t mean she can tell me what to do.” Luckily, Rev. Wallace Stonington, the pastor of the local Episcopal Church, was on the steps (www.episcopalianprincplesprevail.net), and appealed to the womens’ better natures. “We’re all God’s children,” Rev. Stonington reminded them. Ms. Waters was reported to have muttered, under her breath, “That’s a matter of opinion.” [–see link to http://www.agnosticsanonymous.org].

The altercation-causing pigeons. A nuisance–but awfully cute!

F.M. Alexander: the inventor of The Alexander Technique. Stand taller, breathe deeper, move more freely: “Check it out!”

Ridgewood High School: where Miss Stillwater taught for many years. Bring back memories???

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Episcopal Bake Sale Draws Raves; Lonely Hearts Reverend “A Catch”

RIDGEFIELD, NEW JERSEY: The eagerly anticipated St. Thomas Episcopal Church Summer Bake Sale is upon us. (see http://www.stthomasheislord.org) “Every year I buy Elizabeth Benton Townsend’s chocolate bundt cake–it’s just extraordinary,” said Annabelle Bingham Pennington, who is on several of the vestry committees of the church. “People come from all over Bergen County. It’s marvelous!” enthused The Most Reverend Everard Abingdon-White. [Wally–add photo of Rev. A-B here–he’s handsome, women like that] “I wish we could get Father Abingdon-White to marry again,” Mrs. Pennington confided quietly. “It was so awful when his wife ran off with that junior executive. And he doesn’t even work for a bank. It’s a credit union!” (Anyone who thinks of a refined lady who may be right for Rev. Abington-White can contact Pennington at prettypenny@yahoo.com).

St. Thomas Episcopal Church: the site of the eagerly awaited bake sale.

The famous chocolate bundt cake. Hurry! It goes fast.

The offending credit union. Please use a bank instead.