PHOTO FLASH: New Jersey Life Captured in Priceless Digital Images!!!

SOUTH ORANGE, NEW JERSEY: It’s a new month: a new season!!! Time for an emotional visual recap of September, in digital photos. Let’s take a quick journey through some of our “hottest stories.” Who knew so much could happen so quickly in beautiful and charming Northern New Jersey??? It makes a hardened reporter almost tearful to look at these images, and realize how quickly life passes by! Carpe Diem!

 

Some of the lovely New Jersey “belles” who have benefited from George Clooney’s “largesse!” (We all know what that means, don’t we, ladies!!!)

Beyonce! The unconfirmed hostess of “The Housewives of Chatham, New Jersey!!!” She sings, she wiggles, she interviews–is there no end to her talent????

Why pay for expensive child care??? Why not have your child’s teeth fixed for a super-super low price, while you have fun and cavort at the Paramus Super Mall??? Dental surgery doesn’t cost that much more than a babysitter when you have the right coupon!!!

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg!!! Some people say she’s the sexiest Supreme Court Justice alive!!!

Newsflash: George Clooney Aids Ailing Starlets, No Truth to the Bathroom Rumor

PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY: Shh! The rumor mills slipped out today that everyone’s favorite handsome movie star George Clooney will be appearing at Princeton University this weekend to speak to the issue, “The Art of Being Suave!”

George Clooney, the suavest guy on the planet–for sure!

Clooney is reportedly giving his speech (the topic of which he has surely lived to the fullest, for at least four decades!!) to benefit his personal charity, “The Star Bright Foundation,” which aids gorgeous Hollywood starlets when they fall on hard times.

Some of the ladies who have benefited from the largesse of the Star Bright Foundation: Ah to be a Starlet, when George is in bloom!

As we all know, Mr. Clooney is always interested in serious philanthropic work. Reportedly he is starting another foundation, the “Double Dutch/Double Fun Foundation.” Apparently, George is afraid the art of double dutch jump roping he enjoyed as a child will be lost as an American art form, and he wants to preserve it. Excellent idea!

Double Dutch, as it was practiced in the youth of Mr. George Clooney.

Clooney’s long-time publicist stoutly denies the rumor that George will be shooting a commercial for Charmin Ultra-Soft Bathroom Tissue next month, to be shown only in the Asian market. “Everyone knows that George doesn’t speak Cantonese any more,” his representative snorted.

Charmin Ultra-Soft Bathroom Tissue: preferred by millions!!! (Including George Clooney, some maintain!!!)