Dancing Bunnies to Appear on “Dancing With the Stars,” Betty White Furious

JERSEY CITY, NEW JERSEY: Betty White, everyone’s favorite octogenarian entertainer, is furious that she has been bumped off “Dancing with the Stars,” for a team of dancing bunnies. (We mean rabbits).

Betty White is hopping mad! And can you blame her???

Ms. White was scheduled to make a special appearance on an “All-Star Dancing with the Stars.” Her partner was reportedly supposed to be Ryan Reynolds. Rumors of an affair have been denied by both stars’ publicists.

Ryan Reynolds denies having an affair with Betty White. Why, Ryan? Are you the only one in American not in love with Betty White??

The Dancing Bunnies are a brother/sister act trained right here in Northern New Jersey. They are well-known at Rotary Club events. Their trainer, Tiffani Van Brunen sees this as the group’s “big break.” “I’m so proud of them,” she sobbed. “The’ve worked so hard all these years, with no encouragement, except from the Rotary Club. This is a real vindication,” she added. “All those who doubted us, can just go to H—. We’re going to be on network television!”

The Dancing Bunnies, at Jersey City Community College, where they train 85 hours a week in their dancing routines. Good for you, Dancing Bunnies!!!

The Dancing Bunnies practice The Alexander Technique to maintain good posture, alignment, and movement. “They look so graceful–like Fred Astaire, when they practice the technique!” enthused Tiffani.

The bunnies practice balancing waffles on top of their little heads to maintain good posture. (Isn’t that cute?!?) They are allowed to eat the waffles when they achieve perfect balance. Excellent motivator!!

Pigeon-Feeding Sparks Controversy in Ho-ho-kus; Agnostics Displeased

HO-HO-KUS, NEW JERSEY: Pigeon-feeding was the cause of an altercation on the steps of City Hall today. “It clearly states, on an easily-read sign, that there is to be no feeding of pigeons,” said Miss Edith Stillwater (93). A former teacher of English in Ridgewood, her enunciation was precise, her posture admirable. [Wally–for more on posture, see the Alexander Technique–http://www.stat.org.uk/%5D “That old battle-ax can go to ****,” stated Corrine Waters (37). “Just because her family has owned half of New Jersey since the 1700s, doesn’t mean she can tell me what to do.” Luckily, Rev. Wallace Stonington, the pastor of the local Episcopal Church, was on the steps (www.episcopalianprincplesprevail.net), and appealed to the womens’ better natures. “We’re all God’s children,” Rev. Stonington reminded them. Ms. Waters was reported to have muttered, under her breath, “That’s a matter of opinion.” [–see link to http://www.agnosticsanonymous.org].

The altercation-causing pigeons. A nuisance–but awfully cute!

F.M. Alexander: the inventor of The Alexander Technique. Stand taller, breathe deeper, move more freely: “Check it out!”

Ridgewood High School: where Miss Stillwater taught for many years. Bring back memories???

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